Archive | October, 2011

Oh this love.

28 Oct

I call it sleepy-happy-Jesus-mood.

That’s when you’ve just spent time in the prayer room or just meditating on the Word and even though you’re tired, you just can’t help but smile and snuggle in closer to Jesus. It’s when two hours later, after you leave the prayer room you’re still smiling and you can’t explain exactly why, just that Jesus is good. It’s the residual presence that still surrounds you, long after the music has faded.

It’s the smile-happy-for-no-reason-joy that comes with being romanced by the King of Kings, the Creator of the universe: it’s called love.

I kept asking what love was, what it looks like, what its supposed to feel like, and in His perfect timing, He swooped down and started me on this journey. It’s never ending and as long as i keep searching for more, I will never get bored of it. It’s a journey of searching out who He is and what He says and what’s on His mind. It’s a journey that brings tears, but is worth the temporary discomfort because I get to know what the Creator of the universe is thinking and what He thinks about me and how He sees others! It’s amazing and all i can do is smile.

What immense love.

I think i read somewhere that happiness is temporary, but joy is a life-style. I want to live and breath and feel and see and be surrounded by and enveloped by the joy of the Lord all the days of my life. I don’t want to search for fading happiness, I want joy and love that surpasses understanding to be part of my identity. I want it to dwell in my heart forever.

I’m in love with this Man!


the trouble with words

10 Oct

Some things are better off kept in the mind or spoken softly. Some things can be too painful to put into words. Though recalling those things verbally can bring emotions back, there’s something about writing them down that makes things appear much more bluntly, without a whisper to soften the blow.

Vulnerable, your words and feelings are put to paper, there’s no taking them away or retracting them. They stand exposed in the face of a chill wind. There’s nothing to block them from the force that is the human mind of remembrance.

Concrete, those thoughts become, as soon as the air hits them. They fall like cinder blocks to the ground with a great crashing. There’s nothing you can do once its committed to the page. Its there in your memory, that curve, that swoosh, that comma there, you can erase it but the dent will always be there. Every time you pass that page, you’ll know what used to lie beneath.

(adapted from a journal entry on 10-15-09)